Ok. So you’ve been through the trauma. You’ve had the dark experience, the dramatic years. The intensity of horror, violence, destruction, overcoming obstacles, and releasing yourself from a terrible past that no hollywood film could ever hope to capture. You’ve taken a journey as epic as Frodo’s in the Lord of the Rings.
But now the ring’s been destroyed. The journey is at an end, the dark times are over. You feel mostly healed. You feel relieved, refreshed, revived from your past life of abuse as if you’ve been raised from the dead. You are born again into a life where you are free. It’s exciting, enthralling, uplifting and any other synonym you can think of for the word AMAZING.
But WHAT to do now? It’s easy, after years of abuse, to become addicted to emotional disturbance, to depression, to self destructive thought. So easy to convince yourself that you don’t deserve peace, don’t deserve happiness. To seek out disruption and thrills and arguments so that you can react to life the way you always have, since your earliest days of abuse. If you’re anything like me that is.
This is what I struggle with now. How to be okay with stillness, with peace, with calm waters and sunny days. When you’re so used to living in a storm, how do you deal once the clouds have rolled away?
How do you break the addiction to drama and redefine the course your life is now free to take?