After the Storm

Ok.  So you’ve been through the trauma.  You’ve had the dark experience, the dramatic years.  The intensity of horror, violence, destruction, overcoming obstacles, and releasing yourself from a terrible past that no hollywood film could ever hope to capture.  You’ve taken a journey as epic as Frodo’s in the Lord of the Rings.

But now the ring’s been destroyed.  The journey is at an end, the dark times are over. You feel mostly healed.  You feel relieved, refreshed, revived from your past life of abuse as if you’ve been raised from the dead. You are born again into a life where you are free.  It’s exciting, enthralling, uplifting and any other synonym you can think of for the word AMAZING.

But WHAT to do now?  It’s easy, after years of abuse, to become addicted to emotional disturbance, to depression, to self destructive thought.  So easy to convince yourself that you don’t deserve peace, don’t deserve happiness.  To seek out disruption and thrills and arguments so that you can react to life the way you always have, since your earliest days of abuse.  If you’re anything like me that is.

This is what I struggle with now.  How to be okay with stillness, with peace, with calm waters and sunny days. When you’re so used to living in a storm, how do you deal once the clouds have rolled away?

How do you break the addiction to drama and redefine the course your life is now free to take?


5 thoughts on “After the Storm

  1. I struggle as you do, trying to define a new normal. Perhaps remembering the fact that we have made it beyond the acute part of the trauma can can give us the courage to tackle this new challenge.

  2. Sharon- You make a very good point. We should first congratulate ourselves on making it this far! I think the most important thing to help moving forward is not to dwell in the past, but to welcome it into who we are now and grow from it. That doesn’t mean that we can ignore it (or should!) but it’s taken lots of time (and I’m still working on it) to retrain myself to not just be constantly on edge, waiting for the next disaster, but to be open to all the good things that are coming my way. And to enjoy them.

  3. No. flippin. way. I was JUST digesting the same issue last week on my blog! It took a while for me to realize, but I find that I am uneasy when things are going well… yes, like you said, addicted to emotional disturbance, to depression, to self-destructive thought. I’m not sure how to function without it.

    But, oh.. I so want to be able to live in and enjoy the mundane! Gratitude, I think, is part of it… but I’m not entirely sure what else there is yet.

    I totally dig your blog. Thank you for sharing your journey.

  4. I’m glad you’re enjoying it! Sometimes when I find myself spiraling downwards in my thoughts, I find that it helps to make a list of all the things/people I have to be thankful for, the things that I’m good at. It’s a great way to show yourself what you value and a way also to start looking for people who share your values.

    I think the important thing to remember is that it’s okay to feel hurt and have drama sometimes, but we have to focus on hope and happiness as well!

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