Patience

They say patience is a virtue.  Who “they” are, I’m not quite sure, but for me, patience is a challenge.  I was never a patient child.  I was never gifted with that laissez-faire, what happens will happen personality growing up.  Patience is hard.  In fact, on the list of virtues, I’d say that’s the hardest one for me to achieve.

I’m a girl who knows what I want.  And when I don’t get it, I can get very frustrated.

Take healing for instance.  I knew I wanted it from the moment I realized what happened to me.  I thought maybe if I pushed myself hard enough, if I found the magic words, fought and braved challenges and overcame, that healing would be a cinch.  Healing would be like getting an A in a history class for me, it would just come naturally.

“By the end of the summer, I’ll be better I’m sure,”  I remember telling my friend one May month.

I guess the tricky part about healing is that there is no magic formula.  There is no magical combination so that I can snap my fingers and voila!  like magic, I’m better!

Healing takes time.  Healing takes patience.  And it can be the most difficult and frustrating thing to accept, because in the end, you have to be patient with yourself.

I wish there was a magic pill to heal all the hurt in the world, some 12-step plan that eliminated the pain that abuse leaves behind.  But it just takes time, my friends.  Time and dedication and an unconditional love for yourself that whispers to your heart that you are worth the wait.

Because you are.

This is the year of patience.

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2 thoughts on “Patience

  1. you arent kidding Lauren. the older you are the harder it is. I have been trying to heal for 23 years. Several different therapists. Many drugs. too many tears to count. I had to quit my job because of the pain from trauma. Its too much. My body is worn out from pain. I suffer every day. I wonder if i will ever heal ? the road is long, hard and tiring. I am ready to “retire” from healing ! Thanks for your entry and blog !

    Dave

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