Some days I don’t know what to write and the words just start to flow. One at a time. Drip. Drop. Plip. Plop. Like the start of rain. Light, spring rain at first. Then a torrential summer downpour, the kind you find along the coast with the seas storming in the background. The words ebb and flow. They erode the beach. The beach, filled with the pebbles of my fears. My thoughts. My worries. One by one, the tide floods in, removing each pebble. One by one. Washing each thought from the beach, slowly over time. Gently sweeping them out to sea. Cleaning the beach for new thoughts to gather. The words rush in waves, moving, constantly moving. Peaceful stillness amidst the swish, swash, swoosh; the cooing of the waves.
The beach is always changing, always moving. Nature takes its course and the sands move along. The plants grow, the storms come, the animals reproduce. The beach has its own life. Slowly changing over time, morphing into something else, not always pretty, marred by man and the scars of storms…but ever present. Continuing on its circular motion, from beginning to beginning.
I find that the process of healing is like the process of a beach, evolving over time. Before anything happens, you start out as a pure, white sandy beach. Sure, you’ve got your quirks, your weird little animals scuttling in between the sands. But eventually, things change. The sand erodes, pebbles are washed ashore. Sometimes people destroy what you’ve worked so hard to conserve. Nature takes its course. The marks appear, the waves wash them away. Time changes everything.
Healing is a process, it’s not an end result. You will never be static in your healing. The memories will sometimes hurt and the pain will sometimes be remembered. But if you are patient with yourself, if you allow these fluctuations and stand strong at your core, then you will be something amazing. Like a beach, you are beautiful through the nature of your ever-changing flaws.
Yes, healing is very much like a changing beach. You’re going along just fine and then a storm hits. A vicious, traumatizing storm that destroys you, that makes you unrecognizable to yourself. But slowly, you pull yourself back together. The sands return and you find peace and tranquility again. But the feelings always fluctuate.
That’s how it is with healing. You get better, everything is fine, and life goes back to normal for a while. You begin to feel happy again. But eventually, something comes along that throws you right back to where you were for a moment. Whether it’s a flashback, a new encounter, an old memory that suddenly rushes in. Sometimes, years after feeling better, you have to cope with a feeling all over again. You have to learn to be strong all over again. You have to persevere through the pain all over again.
In and out. In and out. The tides go. Life may flux and flow, but healing is a continual process. The trick is to never give up.